Someone I use to be..

There’s no secret that sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they realize the important things in life. Addiction of any kind is no joke, if you know someone with an addiction, don’t talk about them instead hold out a helping hand. You never know, you may be the reason they change their life around.

On November 6, 2010, I became a mother to a handsome 7lbs 8oz healthy boy. I was in a not so sturdy relationship of 5 years, though we had some amazing times, the cons definitely outweighed the pros. We were engaged and lived together.

• When my son was only 2 months old, I went to work at a resturant full time at nights as well as attending college full time during the day.
• His father didn’t support my decision in working or going to school.
• He wouldn’t work nor watch my son during my school/working hours.

In June 2011, I made the decision to end the relationship for MANY reasons. The relationship wasn’t healthy no more, there was mental abuse and much more, he wasn’t ready at the time to be a father. I was working and going to school full time all the while of raising a newborn baby! I didn’t have a choice but to step up to the plate and go without sleep, for I had a handsome blue eyes boy that depended on me!

After the breakup, I had a VERY hard time. Despite it was my choice, for all the right reasons, it took me down to a level I had never been at. I turned to alcohol to solve my problems. I’d go to school with vodka in my water bottle, I’d stay up drinking and doing anything to take the pain away. I lost my thought of school and had to drop all my classes in the case I’d eventually be kicked out.

I started working in Danville, where I enjoyed my job and met some amazing people. Though that didn’t help my partying; it got worse, my mom had my son more than I did. I eventually moved back in with my mom because my priorities wasn’t where they should be. Every night it Ws another bottle being bought and a cooler staying packed in my trunk. I adventures to clubs and bars that I had never even thought about going. I had NEVER been this party girl.

I started to tear my family apart, it not only effected me but them, my mom stayed up numerous nights, would be out riding the roads at non hours of the nights, she had to come pick me up from parties because I was to drunk and didn’t even know where I was. It damaged not only my life, but those who surrounded me. It was MANY mornings I woke up, not knowing how I made it home or where I was at.

I missed out on so much of my first born a life because I turned to alcohol to solve my problems. Each day it got worse and finally my mom stepped in, she knew this wasn’t who I was, she knew I’d hit bottom and the bottle was my own priority at that time.

I left my job as a waitress at a sports bar where I slowly started being a mommy again, the parties didn’t stop though. I’d leave as soon as I woke up and wouldn’t come home until I wasn’t “drunk” anymore.

My child was basically being raised by my mom. I didn’t know where to turn. I lost all concentration on life. Psychiatrist couldn’t help me. Nothing seemed to get my mind off of my problems other then alcohol. I turned to fighting, is never been a violet person. I was being kicked out of restaurants and out of bars. My life was slowly pulling away me.

People started judging me, talking about me, and things just made everything worse. I couldn’t go a day without being judged. In December 2012, I tried to take my life away. People had stomped on my name so bad I felt like there was nothing else to live for. Thankfully God had didn’t plans, and kept me here on this Earth.

In 2013, I moved away, 1.5 hours away from my small town, to FarmVille where I could have a fresh start. People could get to know me for who I really am as a person and now the mistakes I had made, or the past I had been through. I gained my confidence back, I became the MOTHER I should’ve always been, I started working a full time job again and finally moved up into the company where I had amazing friends and co-workers. Life seemed to slowly get back in line. I gained some AMAZING friends. I quit drinking for a total of 10 months while being in FarmVille. My life finally was the way it should’ve been, my family was my life.

I moved back to small town the end of 2013. I kept sober for awhile then picked up drinking “casually” a couple times throughout 2013. It never got as bad as it had been, I could handle my drinks, I knew my limit, I knew where to stop and how to handle myself. I cut people out of my life (those that didn’t delete their self once I became sober”.

Beginning 2014, I had drunk a few “casual” times. Still managing myself. I had my last “drunk” night in September 2014. Where I eventually found out a month later I was pregnant. I made a vowel to myself then, I would never, even despite any challenges that came to me, I would NEVER become that alcoholic again. I would never turn to the bottle to solve my problems.

In June 2015, I gave birth to a not so healthy baby boy. He was still born, and rushed to UVA where he stayed 21 days. There was times when we didn’t know if he was gonna make it. (None of his issues was caused from anything I did wrong) He has been through more than any adult could ever think about going through. My depression hit a ultimate HIGH while he was in the NICU, but I didn’t turn to alcohol, who did I turn to? God! God helped me through the one of the most depressed times of my life not alcohol. Not partying and leaving my kids. But bending down on my knees and praying for the strength to stay strong for my child, the one who NEEDED me. To stay strong for my oldest, for I’m the only parent who has stayed by him.

Even though I blamed myself for the longest time, I realized that Gos was telling me that I had to be a better person. It’s true, “God won’t give us more than we can handle!” Even though at times you want to give up and take the easy way out, God will bring you through anything that life throws at you.

Sometimes life test us, God test us, people test us, and as easy as it is to turn to alcohol, know that talking to God and putting it in his hands will forever work out better!

I’ve been “drunk” sober for over a year now. I had one mommy night where I had 3 drinks, and proudly cut myself off. No I’m not a PERFECT person, for no one is, but I’m a BETTER person than who I use to be. I’m a mom, provider, teacher, Gods child, and nurse. My life revolves around my kids. I’m stable in my own house that is paid for, I have my life together and will be continuing school in 2016.

Yes, I’ve made mistakes. I’m not proud of who I use to be. That wasn’t ME, that wasn’t the person my parents raised me to be. People CAN change and I’m a proven factor of that. Some people will never forget who you USE to be in a bad time in your life, they will throw your past up in your face, they will NEVER let you live down the moments you were at your weakest. But I’m here to tell you, IGNORE THEM! You know who you are NOW. And that’s all that matters, the person you have changed to become a better mom, daughter, sister, etc.. Life is about making mistakes. Some people don’t make as worse mistakes as others but that’s how you grow. You grow by the bad choices you’ve made in life. I’m NOT proud of who I was in the past but I’m VERY PROUD of the woman I am today. No matter the struggles you face in life, turn to GOD, for he will help you through.

I’m always here for ANYONE who needs someone to talk to. I hope my story can help someone else. Don’t be ashame of the person you use to be, be proud that you overcome that obstacle and made a better life for yourself.

If someone has made mistakes, don’t throw their past up in their face. Never tell them how they were or the negativity they once had. Simply praise them for the change they mind and strive them to continue better their self.